


Over Again

by The_Fallen_Angel_Gabe



Series: Heartbreak [3]
Category: Supernatural
Genre: Angst and Feels, Gabriel Has Issues, Implied/Referenced Alcohol Abuse/Alcoholism, Implied/Referenced Break Up, Implied/Referenced Cheating, Implied/Referenced Self-Harm, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-06-20
Updated: 2015-06-20
Packaged: 2018-04-05 04:52:14
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,325
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4166619
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/The_Fallen_Angel_Gabe/pseuds/The_Fallen_Angel_Gabe
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Gabriel sees Sam again years after their terrible break up. They're competing for the same job, but for Gabriel, he doesn't care if he gets the job anymore, all he cares are his feelings towards seeing Sam again.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Over Again

All of it. I'm done. Everything is breaking down again. It's all starting to fall apart... again. Everything in my life was just getting back in order when  _he_ had to come back again. He just had to be competing for the same job as I was.

Now here we are, standing right in front of each other. Neither of us moving. His expression blank, and mine....well I don't know. A flurry of emotions goes through my head. Regret. Sorrow. Hurt. Remorse. Anger. Happiness.

I continue to stare at him before the boss comes in. He clears his throat and tells us it's a tough call, but he'll call one of us tonight, so if he doesn't call we didn't get the job.

Since he broke me from my trance, I nod politely and leave. I hold in the raging emotions and we both step into the same elevator. The ride is quiet and halfway down Sam hits the stop button.

"Alright, come on. I can't do this anymore. Just tell me. Tell me how much of an asshole I am. Tell me how much you don't want me to be here." He looks so hurt and full of regret. I can only imagine what he sees from me. I don't speak. So he stands there another minute. Tears start to well up in his eyes. "Look, Gabe..."

"Gabriel." I say blankly. He looks up with shock in those puppy dog eyes.

"What-? Why?"

"Because, this is a professional building Samuel." I could see Sam wince, even though he tried to hide it. "We are both fighting for the same job. It's a competition. Except we aren't being judged on our personalities like in high school." Sam grimaces, but doesn't try to hide it this time. I know my words cut him like knives, I've known him since middle school. He was supposed to be my best friend. "We're being judged on intellect and experience. So I wish you the best of luck." I reach past Sam and press the button for it to start again.

The truth was, I did wish him the best of luck. I want him to do great in life. I want him to succeed. I just can't tell if that's my best friend like a brother side or best friend like a lover side that wants that.

"So, that's it? We're done?"

"We're through."

"Gabe. I-"

"Gabriel." I say, finally looking away from Sam and turn to stay facing the doors.

"Gabriel. I just, I don't want things to end this way for us."

"Should've thought of that before you cheated." I snapped. The elevator doors open and I walk out not giving him a chance to speak.

"Gabe-" I turn my head just enough to glare at him as I walk out the doors of the office building. "Gabriel. I was drunk! She had gotten me drunk! I didn't even know she felt that way about me!" He continued making excuses as he chased after me. After walking the block to the parking garage to my car I turn on him. I was so pissed at every single excuse he made along the way.

"Excuses! You know they are! Every single one! It was your choice to get drunk! She didn't force you to take those drinks! It doesn't matter if  _she_ liked you like that!! The fact of the matter is is that you felt the same and you did it. You cheated." Sam had tears in his eyes. I was furious. I didn't need my heart torn again. I had to protect my heart. He was supposed to be my best friend for life. When he cheated, he even ruined that by making up these same lame excuses as he had the first time when I found out.

"Gabe." The one word made me want to drop to my knees. I hated nicknames even though I gave them to anyone. Sam was the only person I ever let have a nickname for me. He was supposed to be my best friend, how could I not let him? I was in love with him, I would let him do whatever he wanted. Then. Now? Now I wanted to crumble, but I stood my ground.

"Sam. If you wish to be friends. Fine. But I cannot go any further than that. Sam.." I sigh and look away from him. "You know what, no, not even that. I just got my life together. I cleaned up my act. The act as in the aftermath of the earthquake you caused. It's barely been a month, and now you show up. I cannot take any chances. If you get the job, I'm leaving. For good this time." I tell him. I can see the tears start to fall from his eyes.

"What if you get the job?"

"That's hardly likely since you are much more qualified than me."

"Gabe, I... I just want to start over. I never meant for any of this to happen. I mean, I get it, you need space, but what about me Gabe? What about me? I still.. I still love you." My heart aches at the words. I want to wrap him in a hug and stop him from crying. I knew Sam had a tough time loving people. Being kind and caring was easy, actually loving and trusting was a completely different subject.

But I couldn't. Not when he destroyed all of my trust, his excuses weren't just that, they were lies. I heard them all later, from pretty much everyone plus their cellphones.

"If I get the job, I get the job. You choose what you want to do after I get it."

"So, you really will leave if you don't get the job?"

"Sam! I'm not discussing this with you! We're through! We have been since then! I'm done! I can't.. You lied to me! You cheated on me! And you make excuses to all of this! You've destroyed my trust to the point where,  _yes,_ Sam. I don't want to start over. I don't and I won't Sam!" I yell, turning around again and walking to my car. Sam just doesn't know when to give up as he still pursues me.

"Gabe. Gabe!  _Gabe!"_ Sam calls after me. I storm to my car and get in, not bothering to look behind me once. It all hurt. It all hurt so much. I had gotten through rehab. I was suicidal for two years. Two years we've been apart and I started cleaning up my act three months ago. I wanted to be happy to see him, and I was, but every other emotion clouded that.

I hit my hands on the steering wheel in frustration and put the keys in the ignition. I start it and without thinking I pull out and leave. It was happening over again. The itching feeling to make it stop hurting. I know I could, but I've been clean for a month. I can't take it. It's just happening all over. The memories, the heartbreak, the storm that came after. I know that if I get the job, I'll busy myself so I won't remember, so I won't have to see him again. If I don't, I'll leave because all of it will start all over.

I can't handle it starting over. The hurricane. The storm. The absolute monster that tore my heart and my life to shreds. I still loved him. I still love him. I just can't. I can't. I don't want my heart broken over again. So when I didn't get the call that night, I followed through in my final decision in the morning. I packed up my suitcase and checked out of the hotel. I got in the car and I didn't look back. I couldn't.

But I was so stupid to think my heart wouldn't still break all over again.

**Author's Note:**

> Did I break your heart yet?


End file.
